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Holiday Burnout at Work: How to Cope with Forced Festivity, Secret Santa Stress, and End-of-Year Overwhelm

Jennifer Ayres
December 11, 2025

A psychologist’s guide to navigating workplace holiday pressure and burnout, setting self-compassionate boundaries, and protecting your emotional energy.

Holiday Burnout…Workplace Edition

Dear Jennifer,

My company gets really into the holidays, and honestly, it wears me out. Today we got an email announcing a “spirit contest,” which means I’m now expected to show up on the designated days with holiday pajamas, an ugly sweater, socks, a hat, and participate in a door-decorating competition—plus the Secret Santa exchange, the holiday potluck, and the office Christmas cocktail party. My coworkers are already brainstorming and getting competitive.

I try to rev up and match their enthusiasm when they start planning, but the truth is—I’m not feeling it. I hated this last year and feel even less excited this time around.

To make matters worse, I drew the pickiest person in the office for Secret Santa—someone I don’t particularly enjoy even on a normal day. He gave me a thoughtful gift last year, which just adds more pressure. I have zero interest in searching for the perfect present for someone I don’t like very much.

I know my attitude isn’t great, and I feel guilty because these issues feel so minor compared to what other people are struggling with. And I know my coworkers are excited and just trying to have fun. But I’m already exhausted, and I don’t know how to summon motivation for office holiday stuff—let alone a gift for my brother’s new wife, whom I barely know.

I don’t want to bring the party down, but I don’t want to join it either.
Help?

— Office Grinch

Dear Office Grinch,

Your letter made me smile—not because your struggle is funny, but because it is deeply human. Many of us move through December pretending to enjoy traditions and expectations we simply don’t have the energy (or desire) for, and we feel a twinge of guilt for not wanting to participate in activities that are genuinely well-intended efforts to create joy and connection.

Yesterday, I found myself watching my office neighbor decorate her door. It looked adorable. She and her officemates chose The Grinch—a surprisingly fitting theme—and someone (or multiple people) spent a great deal of time cutting, taping, and transforming their faux-wood door into something whimsical and festive. I walked back to my own bare door, paused, and wondered whether I should add something cheerful.

After one brief internal debate, the word that floated up was: “Nope.”

Your letter reminded me why that “Nope” came so quickly.

First, I want my office to feel welcoming to everyone—clients celebrating Christmas, Hanukkah, both, or neither, and especially those navigating grief or complicated emotions. Holiday décor can unintentionally create barriers, and that risk doesn’t sit well with me.

Second—and perhaps more honestly—I’m worn out. Between clinical work, parenting, and trying to reach the end-of-year finish line (while coaxing my high school sophomores along), adding optional-but-not-really-optional tasks feels overwhelming.

Your situation is different from mine, but the emotional dilemma is the same:

How do we make self-compassionate choices when holiday expectations collide with limited bandwidth?

Let’s start by taking your emotional temperature.

Holiday Burnout: Three Quick Check-In Questions

A simple three-question check-in can help you understand what you’re actually capable of right now. Using a high / medium / low scale:

Emotional battery: How much energy do you have right now?
Desire battery: How much do you want to participate?
Consequences: What happens if you opt out? Are there relational or professional costs—and are those realistic risks or worst-case-scenario predictions?

Your answers help illuminate which path is the most self-compassionate today, dear Grinch.

And these questions aren’t limited to daytime office activities or décor. You can use this same three-part check-in for other holiday decisions too—whether it’s deciding how much effort to put into gift shopping, whether to attend an all-evening office holiday party, how much to commit to your kids’ school celebrations, or how to handle any tradition that feels heavier than your current bandwidth.

Scenario 1: High Emotional Battery, Low Desire

(Force—or Lightly Bend Toward—the Festivity)

Let’s imagine you’re doing okay overall. You aren’t overly stressed, and participating wouldn’t break your budget or seriously impact your well-being—it’s simply not your thing. Maybe the “voluntold” energy irritates you more than the activities themselves.

In this situation, question three becomes the deciding factor:

Is going along the path of least resistance?
Could opting out create future tension you’d rather avoid?

If participating seems like the smoother path, consider finding a strategic partner—someone who genuinely enjoys holiday festivities. A simple, honest conversation might ease the burden:

“Hey, this isn’t really my thing. If I help in small ways or donate money, would you be willing to take the lead on the creative parts?”

There is almost always someone who delights in this work and is happy to take on the pieces that feel draining to you.

Another gentle reframe:
Instead of seeing the activities as a not-really-optional demand on your holiday spirit, you could view them as an investment in workplace relationships—something that may matter more to you than the activities themselves.

Scenario 2: Low Emotional Battery, Low Desire

(Recharge, Then Reevaluate)

If your emotional battery is running low, this is not the time to override your instincts. Your task is to lighten your load wherever you reasonably can and give your battery a chance to recharge. Start by asking yourself:

What does self-compassion look like for me right now?

Self-compassionate boundaries might include:

A brief, honest conversation with your team lead or enthusiastic coworker:“I really appreciate everything you’re doing to make this festive. I’m overwhelmed right now and need to keep my commitments minimal. Is there a way I can support you without taking on responsibilities?”
A simple email to your supervisor or holiday coordinator:“Thank you for organizing these festivities. I’m at capacity this season and need to step back from extra activities.”
A small, restorative self-care plan—rest first, decisions later.

Sometimes stepping back from pressure helps your energy return. Sometimes it doesn’t. Both outcomes are okay.

A Final Thought

Office Grinch, take one breath and turn your attention inward.
What is your body telling you when your emotion-driven, thought-spiraling mind finally pauses?

Create just enough space to hear what your emotional battery is trying to communicate. When you step away from peer pressure and into self-awareness, the path often becomes much clearer.

You get to choose what is right for you—not your team, not the contest rules, not the unspoken office expectations. Choosing what is right for you does not make you selfish, a bad sport, or someone who doesn’t care about your coworkers. It simply means your energy is needed elsewhere right now.

Follow your energy, dear one. Trouble arises when we push past it—especially when we’re doing it solely to keep other people happy.

This isn’t a democracy.
Your energy, your boundaries, your decision.

Ubuntu, fellow traveler.
Jennifer

P.S. Did you enjoy this blog? Check out our Holiday Survival Guide Part 1 to learn some additional ideas about how to set boundaries and manage stress during the holidays!