Holiday Survival Guide, Part 1: Setting Boundaries & Managing Stress

If you’re feeling anxious about family gatherings, financial pressures, or managing your time, you are not alone.

In this first post of our Holiday Survival Guide series, we’ll explore practical strategies for setting boundaries, protecting your mental health, and reducing holiday stress. These evidence-based tools can help you manage holiday anxiety and emotional overload with greater calm, clarity, and resilience.

When you hear the word “holidays,” what comes up for you, fellow traveler?

Cheer and hope inspired by catchy songs, snowy landscapes, cozy sweaters, and warm mugs of something delicious?

Or dread, stress, unrealistic expectations, and grief?

Maybe you sway between the two. If thinking about the upcoming season leaves you unsure how the pieces will fit together, read on.

(And if you’re one of the lucky ones anticipating a Hallmark-worthy holiday devoid of family drama or communication breakdowns, enjoy every moment—and perhaps keep reading for ways to support someone approaching the season with a heavier heart.)

Dear Jennifer,

When Holiday Stress Hits Home: A Letter and a Lesson

I’m not sure what I want to do for the holidays. I don’t want to deal with the stress that the holidays bring. Any suggestions about how to handle the dread I feel about going through with family events and then emerging in January feeling broke, exhausted, and disappointed?

— Holiday Hassled

Dear Holiday Hassled,

I hear you, fellow traveler.

Let me tell you about a recent series of therapy sessions I had with a client—another “Holiday Hassled” fellow traveler. Her story may not match your exact circumstances, but most of us can relate to her struggle.

Meet Megan*

Megan, 35, has had a difficult year. Her husband of 12 years asked for a divorce in February. Her father died suddenly in April. She’s navigating shared custody of two kids, ages 5 and 8, while supporting her grieving mother and managing tight finances. Her brother thrives on political debates, and without her father there to mediate, she’s dreading family gatherings ahead.

In late August, Megan arrived at our session, exhaled a long sigh, and said she was already feeling the weight of the upcoming holidays. So, we started planning early.

*Identifying details have been changed to protect privacy.

Step 1: Make a Fear/Dread List

Holiday stress can feel like a jumble of lights—messy, knotted, and overwhelming. The best place to begin is simply noticing your worries. Grab a pen and write down every stressor, big or small, then circle your top five.

Megan tried this exercise in session, and here’s what she came up with (in no particular order):

1. Political conversations & her brother’s smugness
2. Worry that her kids won’t have a “magical” Christmas post-divorce
3. Missing her dad and needing to support her mom
4. Navigating post-divorce financial strain and gift-giving expectations
5. Overbooked schedule and anticipated last-minute demands

Megan’s list gave us a roadmap for designing a more self-compassionate holiday season. As we looked closer, most of her stress clustered into two themes: boundaries and grief. The struggle with boundary-setting and the emotional pain of loss had a synergistic effect—fueling dread, overwhelm, and a sense of being out of control.

We decided to interrupt that cycle by starting with boundaries, believing that structure could help Megan regain a sense of stability and agency. Once she had clarity about where her limits needed to be, we could begin translating that insight into action.

Step 2: Identify Holiday Boundary-Setting Needs

Once you’ve named your biggest stressors, the next step is to look for patterns.

When Megan reflected on her list, four themes stood out: money, conversations, emotional energy, and time. That’s when our work shifted to boundaries. But before we return to Megan’s approach, let’s pause and talk about boundaries themselves—because for many of us, even the word can feel uncomfortable.

A Healthy Way to Think About Boundaries

When I mention boundaries, many clients tense up. The word often stirs memories of conflict, guilt, or rejection. But boundaries don’t have to mean aggression or isolation. Ideally, they’re clear and kind—respectful and compassionate toward both self and others. And like most skills, they take practice, mistakes, and moments of awkwardness.

Think of boundaries as:

• The edge between needs and wants: what I need to care for myself vs. what you want from me.
• Not about control: they aren’t about managing others; they’re about protecting space for connection without resentment.
• A healthy space: the line where I end and you begin.

When we understand and honor that space, we can maintain healthy, safe, and sustainable relationships. Now let’s return to Megan, fellow travelers.

Megan’s Boundary Areas

Once we reframed what boundaries could look like, Megan began examining where her limits were most strained—and four areas quickly stood out.

• Money: Megan realized she couldn’t maintain her usual level of gift-giving after her divorce. Her financial situation had changed, and trying to match past efforts could lead to future strain. She needed a plan for meaningful gifts that honored her current reality.
• Conversations: She recognized how draining it felt when her brother’s “teasing” turned into political jabs. She needed a plan to protect her energy and keep interactions calm.
• Emotional Energy: Much of her capacity was pulled toward supporting her mother’s grief, leaving less space for her own (and her children’s). She wanted to be a loving daughter while also tending to her personal sadness.
• Time: Her calendar was stretched thin. She struggled to treat downtime as real calendar space, so she needed a plan to protect rest and resist last-minute requests.

Once Megan recognized her main boundary challenges, the next step was turning those insights into clear, doable plans that would help protect her peace during the holidays.

Step 3: Turn Boundaries into Action Items

Shifting from Insight to Behavior Change

Naming boundaries is an important first step, but real change happens when we put them into practice. For Megan, that meant looking closely at how her boundary challenges might shape her holiday experience—and transforming insight into small, concrete actions that supported intentional decision-making and self-compassion.

Here are some of the practical solutions Megan created to address her boundary challenges:

• Money: Two gifts per child—one from Santa, one from her—and a shared family experience to create memories without financial strain. She set a per-child budget and promised herself she would honor it.
• Conversations: She wrote her brother an honest, loving email asking that they set politics aside and focus on supporting each other through their first holidays without their dad. She also let him know she might step away if conversations became overwhelming.
• Emotional Energy: She reached out to her mom with gentleness and clarity, suggesting a new tradition—volunteering at an animal shelter in honor of her dad—and explaining that she might need time to tend to her own grief. She imagined that volunteering could soften the sadness by turning it into something meaningful, and that time spent with excited animals might lift everyone’s spirits.
• Time: She made a promise: no automatic “yes” responses. Every invitation would be considered carefully, and downtime would be blocked off like any other essential appointment.

Boundaries don’t erase every challenge, but they create a roadmap—and guide us through the holidays with more calm, clarity, and connection.

Step 4: Prepare for What Comes Next

Megan’s boundaries were a strong start, but they only addressed part of her holiday struggles. Together, we explored how she could hold her grief without being consumed by it—and how to help her children honor theirs while still tending to her own healing.

Those conversations opened the door to the next steps: coping with loss, grief, and the vulnerable emotions that holidays often bring.

We’ll walk through those in the next two parts of the series, Holiday Hassled. Stay tuned.

Final reflection

Before your holiday season starts hustling and bustling, pause and ask yourself two grounding questions:

1. When this holiday season concludes, how do I want to feel when January arrives?
2. What boundaries could help make that feeling possible?

From all of us at Still River Counseling, may your holidays be gentle, your boundaries honored, and your heart supported. Navigate this season with care, self-compassion, and resilience.

Know someone who could use a little extra support this holiday season? Share our Holiday Survival Guide with them. Small acts of self-compassion—and the reminder that we are not traveling this life journey alone—can help lighten the weight of holiday stress and unrealistic expectations.

Read Holiday Survival Guide, Part 2: Coping with Grief, Loss & Emotional Triggers. In Part 2, we’ll explore what happens when the holidays bring not just stress—but grief and all the big feelings that accompany it. Learn how to navigate loss, honor missing loved ones, and bring self-compassion into a season that can feel both vulnerable and overwhelming.

Ubuntu, fellow traveler.

— Jennifer