A psychologist-mom’s suggestions about how to talk to teens about decisions
Parenting teenagers can feel especially tricky when they’re developing strong opinions and big feelings—and making quick, impulsive decisions. As adults, we often focus on long-term consequences, while teens are living squarely in the intensity of right now. This psychologist-mom’s guide offers a simple, practical approach to how to talk to teens about decisions, helping them slow down, think things through, and make more intentional choices when emotions are running high.
“Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”
—Viktor E. Frankl
My children turn 16 in May, and I keep thinking about how different teenage life feels now than it did when I was their age.
Back then, my worries were real—grades, friends, fitting in, learning to drive. But information moved slowly—newspapers and the nightly news. If something upsetting happened in the world, you often heard about it later, not in real time when emotions were still running high.
Now teens carry the internet in their pockets. They’re getting constant updates, constant opinions, constant emotion—often without much time (or adult support) to sort what’s true, what matters most, and what to do next. And their brains are still under construction.
As a psychologist and a mom, I don’t think teens are “too sensitive.” I think they’re overloaded, and it can be hard for developing brains to slow down and consider options intentionally. When something grabs their hearts—an injustice, a conflict, a rumor, a friend in crisis—the urge to act fast can be intense. The space between stimulus and response can get very thin.
What Parents Can Do
We can encourage them to pause—and gently expand that space Frankl mentioned.
Not a “don’t care” pause.
A “think it through” pause.
Here are the decision-making questions I’m teaching the teenagers in my life—the ones who share my home and the ones who visit my office. They’re also a good reminder for adults to keep the space between stimulus and response wide enough to think clearly when our own hearts feel squeezed.
How To Talk to Teens About Decisions: 4-Step Pause
Pause & Think
• Why does this matter to me?
• Does this decision affect anyone I care about?
Check Your Gut
• What feels like a good idea about this choice?
• What parts make me feel unsure or nervous?
• Am I worried about what other people might think or say?
Look Ahead
• What good things might happen if I move forward?
• Could this cause problems for me later?
Shift Your Perspective
• What advice would I give a friend making the same decision?
• What advice might an adult I trust give me?
A Gentle Reminder
When teens feel overwhelmed or emotionally charged, advice-giving rarely works. Lecturing, ordering, and power struggles also tend to miss the goal most parents share: helping a teenager balance strong emotions with calm, critical thinking.
What helps most is creating space—space for both teen and adult to pause, reflect, and evaluate options before choosing a course of action. This isn’t about finding the perfect moment or crafting the perfect words. It’s about working through challenges together and honoring that we don’t have to figure it all out alone.
By slowing the moment down, parents can support teens in building decision-making skills that strengthen confidence, responsibility, and emotional awareness over time.
Ubuntu, fellow travelers.
Jennifer
P.S. The next time you read or hear something that makes your heart beat a bit faster and your jaw tighten, try a 4-step pause. Teens aren’t the only ones who can benefit from expanding the space between stimulus and response.
Check out these resources to help bridge adult-teen communication gaps:
A 4-step strategy to manage anxiety
© 2026 Jennifer Ayres, PhD | Still River Counseling, PLLC
Written with care for fellow travelers navigating life’s changing currents.
🌐 StillRiverCounseling.com | 📍 Austin, TX
Gentle Reminder:
The reflections shared here are intended to offer insight and support. They are not a substitute for therapy or professional mental-health care, and reading this blog does not create a therapeutic or doctor–patient relationship.
