Struggling after bad news? Learn why respecting resistance, feeling your emotions, and noticing moments of awe can help you move forward.
For Chris
Dear Jennifer,
I got some really bad news this week. I know that it would help to get back to my workout routine and healthy eating. I know that “keep on keeping on” would be the best way through this rough patch, but I’m struggling to get out of my head and back to my life. Help.
Paused by the Storm
Dear Paused by the Storm,
I hear you, fellow traveler. I have been there many times and find myself in my own canoe in that same river right now. It isn’t fun, is it? There are a lot of big feelings that accompany bad news – sadness, fear, helplessness, to name a few – and they typically don’t feel good.
Your letter reminded me of a blog I wrote several years ago following the murder of a woman who had been a casual friend of mine when our children were in the same kindergarten class and we were both navigating the reality of parenting young children while contending with busy careers in health care.
Read on, fellow traveler.
When the dog bites,
When the bee stings,
When I’m feeling sad…
I simply remember my favorite things
And then I don’t feel so bad.
“My Favorite Things”, The Sound of Music
After Bad News…Coping When Life Doesn’t Go According to Plan
2021
Yesterday was a hard day. A beautiful friend of mine died unexpectedly and tragically. I imagine that she had been living what she had assumed was a typical day until it shifted to something beyond belief. It was a sobering reminder that life does not always follow the plans we had for our day. Sometimes we leave our homes in the morning, lamenting our lateness and already overwhelmed by the day’s to-do list…and we never walk through our front doors again. Life is unpredictable.
After a rough day and a night’s worth of interrupted sleep, this morning it felt comforting to begin our school day routine. I heard Giovanni open the front door to load his school gear into the car while I gathered my own stuff in another room. I was sad and thinking about how my friend and her children were not having a similarly harried, typical school morning experience.
Then I heard Giovanni say, “Mom! Come here! You’ve got to see this!” Angel and I joined him outside and he pointed to the sky. “Look, Mom! It’s so beautiful.”
I looked up. He was right. It was a particularly beautiful, noteworthy sunrise this morning. A beautiful cloud pattern was tinged with oranges and yellows against a slightly gray background. The sun was rising and the yellow rays peeked above the tops of the trees in the distance, teasing us with what awaited. He took a picture with my phone, and we stood for a moment, admiring the view and feeling the contentment of the present moment soothe away some of the sadness.
As we pulled out of our driveway, I thanked Giovanni for encouraging me to stop and pay attention to something so beautiful. It was a reminder, I told the boys, that each day begins and there is still beauty to be seen, even when we’re feeling sad and life feels heavy.
We sat in silence as that settled among us. Then Angel asked me if maybe a beautiful sunrise is a sign from God that someone very special made it to heaven. I said that sounded possible to me. I hope that’s true.
The Hidden Wisdom of “My Favorite Things”
This conversation brought to mind one of my favorite songs from Rodgers and Hammerstein’s The Sound of Music. In the movie version of the Broadway musical, Julie Andrews played the role of Maria, the new governess to the seven Von Trapp children. During a thunderstorm, the children gathered in her room to seek comfort. Maria told the children that whenever she felt unhappy, she tried to “think of nice things.” The beautiful scene unfurled into the catchy lyrics and melody that remind us to look around when we struggle with hard feelings.
In the song, Maria didn’t encourage us to notice “big” nice things like being healthy, having a safe home, or being part of a family. Instead, during the hard life moments when we struggle with difficult feelings, Maria encourages us to look around and notice small things that typically go unnoticed – white dresses with blue satin sashes, brown packages tied with strings, whiskers on kittens.
It’s also important to note that the lyric is not “I simply remember my favorite things/and then I don’t feel bad.” Instead, she sang: “I simply remember my favorite things/and then I don’t feel so bad.”
The word “so” is important.
Listing their favorite things didn’t stop the thunderstorm in the movie, but it changed how the characters experienced it. Similarly, listing our favorite things won’t erase sadness or other difficult feelings; however, focusing our attention on what brings happiness and emotional balance may smooth away the sharp edges of our difficult times.
As I sat in my office this morning, I made a list of five of my “favorite things:” A freshly sharpened pencil, the first sip of jasmine tea, colorful, knit hats with pom-poms on top, fluffy pillows that feel like clouds, watching a sunrise that looks like the smell of happiness with an arm around my children. Guess what happened? As my list grew, I felt myself wanting to add more favorite things, and I felt my smile widen and my sadness abate slightly.
Maria was right. Remembering our favorite things helps settle us when the thunderstorms arrive.
Growing Older Is a Gift
2023
I wrote those words a bit over two years ago. Since then, I’ve become older and somewhat wiser, and my friend is forever the age that she was that fateful evening, 43. My children and her oldest child started middle school last year and became teenagers this year. Despite everything she would have wanted to the contrary, she missed these key milestones.
Growing older is a gift that isn’t given to everyone.
How often do we stop to appreciate that gift, fellow travelers?
We live much of our lives hurrying our way through the present moment to get to some future time. We think that we will feel content and more satisfied with our lives someday, when we are less busy and everything feels better, easier, and happier.
What would happen if we stopped hurrying and instead chose to slow our pace and invest intentional attention in the present moment?
What would happen if we paused our worrying about possible future outcomes and worst-case scenario thinking to look around at what surrounds us right now instead of envisioning the next step?
Most likely, we would see what we are missing right now and we might feel the ordinary pieces of our lives settle us as the thunderstorms rage around us.
Raindrops on roses. Freshly-sharpened pencils. The first sip of jasmine tea. The contented sigh a dog makes when he settles into a nap. The warmth of a towel fresh out of the dryer. The multisensory experience of walking among pine trees. The belly laugh of a child.
A beautiful sunrise that looks like the smell of happiness and brings us hope.
Respecting Resistance Instead of Fighting It
Back to you, Paused by the Storm.
I’m five years older today than I was the morning my boys and I admired the morning sunrise from our front porch. I can still remember the experience of feeling my sadness shift as the polka dots of awe and gratitude were added to it.
My original plan for this blog was to encourage you to focus on your gratitudes or favorite things to help you regain perspective. Something about that direction felt off. It encourages you – us – to reach for gratitude when what we are feeling more closely aligns with grief, anger, helplessness, and other heavy feelings.
No, Paused, instead I want to talk about your resistance and how it may warrant respect and a moment of intentional attention. You sound like you are hurting, dear one.
Maybe “keep on keeping on” isn’t always the best course of action when we are hurting.
I have gained a lot of respect for resistance as I’ve gotten older in my career and personal life. Once I thought of it mostly as a character flaw, laziness, or a lack of self-discipline. It was something to push through, to conquer, and celebrate when my force overrode it.
What I now think is that resistance is a signal that I need to pause and pay attention to what is brewing inside me.
There is something about adhering to my normal way of life that isn’t working in this moment. Yes, I can override whatever it is by pushing through with my routines and coping skills, the mental equivalent of carting an unpacked box from my dining room table to my upstairs office and laying it on the desk to deal with later.
But is that the best choice for this moment?
Perhaps the better course of action for you right now, Paused, is to examine the contents of the box and decide what to do with them.
What’s getting in your way? Is there fear blocking you? Is there boredom or self-doubt? Are you feeling frustrated by the gap between where you had hoped to be instead of where you are? Is there grief occurring as your life is shifting from one stage to another or adjusting to a new normal that doesn’t yet fit? Is there routine fatigue that is leaving you uninspired as you incorporate the difficult news into your everyday life?
Yes, dear one, getting back to your workouts and nutrition plans makes sense…except something inside of you is encouraging you to pause and self-reflect. Listen to that something before trying to decide what to do.
Sort through your box first. The best path forward may reveal itself.
Tying this back to wisdom gained from The Sound of Music, listing their favorite things happened after the children had identified their fears and sought support. They had identified their fears, Maria had acknowledged them, and then it was time to intentionally redirect their attention toward seeking emotional balance.
Feel first, then choose your way forward.
Finding Polka Dots of Awe During Difficult Times
As I mentioned, Paused, I’m in a canoe in your same river. My family received devastating news last week and I had to figure out how to make space for that news in a life that already felt borderline unmanageable and overwhelming.
I woke up Thursday morning and found that I didn’t have the energy or attention for my routines or scheduled plans. So, I did it differently this time around.
I honored my resistance and gave myself permission to take a break from my routines and modify my plans.
I skipped the gym.
I took slower walks.
I watched a lot of TV.
I cried when the tears rose up.
I shifted my expectations of my time, attention and energy.
Guess what, Paused? Choosing to sort through my box made it lighter and easier to carry.
Yesterday I returned to my daily routines.
They aren’t like they were before Wednesday night – and neither am I.
But they feel workable for right now.
And that ultimately is all that matters.
Now it’s time to return to Maria’s advice and list a few favorite things, friend.
The sound of gentle rain against the window.
The roller coaster belly drop that makes me laugh out loud every time.
The smell of a new book.
“Love you, Mom.”
The first page of a new journal.
Feel first. Then choose your way forward. Notice the polka dots of awe against the thunderstorm background.
Ubuntu, fellow traveler
Jennifer
For Lindley too.
P.S. See below for a Rest. Reflect. Reimagine. exercise.
Some related posts that you might enjoy…
Rest. Reflect. Reimagine.
A Brief Self-Reflection Exercise for the Moments We Are Paused by the Storm After Bad News Arrives
After Bad News… Rest.
Pause for a moment.
Take a slow breath in, then let it go slowly.
Allow yourself to think about a difficult piece of news, life transition, disappointment, loss, or challenge that you are currently carrying.
Exhale any need to fix, solve, or figure anything out right now.
Simply notice what is present.
What emotions are showing up for you?
Where do you feel those emotions in your body?
What feels heavy?
What feels uncertain?
What feels unknown or unfinished?
Take another slow breath.
Give yourself permission to settle into the moment you are living.
After Bad News… Reflect.
Imagine that you are holding a box containing your thoughts, feelings, worries, and unanswered questions about something difficult.
Rather than carrying the box from room to room, pause and gently open it.
What emotions are inside?
Fear?
Grief?
Anger?
Disappointment?
Exhaustion?
Guilt or remorse?
Something else entirely?
What thoughts are inside?
Unfairness?
Worries about the future?
Regrets for choices made or unmade?
Resistance to something?
What might your resistance be trying to tell you?
What needs your attention right now?
What might self-compassion look like in this moment?
What expectations could be softened or adjusted while you navigate this season?
After Bad News… Reimagine.
If you are carrying yourself through the storm, honor your strength to remain upright and moving forward.
What would a workable next step look like?
Not a perfect step.
Not a heroic step.
A workable one.
What is one small thing you could do today to care for yourself?
What support might you need?
What “polka dots of awe” exist around you?
What favorite things could you name to add color to your emotional landscape?
When you are ready, take one final breath.
Feel first.
Then choose a way forward.
And notice the polka dots of awe against the thunderstorm background.
Ubuntu, fellow traveler.
“The Smell of Happiness” is a revised version of “Raindrops on Roses,” a blog that was written for the Rawson Saunders School community. The original blog is the intellectual property of the school and is published on the school’s Counselor’s Corner blogsite. It was revised to reinvent itself as a stillness story for Still River Counseling, PLLC.
© 2026 Jennifer Ayres, PhD | Still River Counseling, PLLC
Written with care for fellow travelers navigating life’s changing currents.
🌐 StillRiverCounseling.com | 📍 Austin, TX
Gentle Reminder:
The reflections shared here are intended to offer insight and support. They are not a substitute for therapy or professional mental-health care, and reading this blog does not create a therapeutic or doctor–patient relationship.
