Discover how procrastination, fear, habits, and other destiny diverters can quietly pull us away from living with purpose—and learn how self-reflection and curiosity get us back on track.
As we hit the year’s midpoint, it is a good time to reflect on where we are investing our most precious resources: our time, attention, and energy.
Are our investments nudging us toward living with purpose…or pulling us in the other direction?
Dear Jennifer,
My entire life people have told me that I am wasting my potential. I could have done well in school but didn’t care enough to put in the effort to go to a good school, make good grades, take the risks to work toward the career path I really wanted (becoming a lawyer). I have a decent job that covers the bills but doesn’t leave a lot of room for things that I’d like to do like travel. I’ve had a series of romantic relationships that haven’t led to the deep connection that I really want.
I have a big birthday coming up in two years and I dread it because I won’t be living the life that I want or that could have been.
Help?
Tossing Away My Potential
Dear Tossing Away My Potential,
I hear you, fellow traveler. You aren’t alone. Most of us wonder sometimes (or maybe often) if we are living a life that aligns with our potential and what we were intended to do with our gifts and dreams.
Your struggle reminds me of an essay I’d like to revisit. It seems timely as we pass the midpoint of a year.
Read on, fellow traveler.
Destiny Diverter
Changing ceiling light bulbs, smoke detector batteries, and air conditioner filters…I avoid these three household tasks until either there is no other alternative or someone is coming to visit.
I’m 5 foot 3 inches tall and live in a home with high ceilings. Each of those chores requires me to go to the garage, haul out the very tall ladder, carry it awkwardly into the appropriate room (usually banging myself on the leg multiple times in the process), climb to the tallest rung, handle the task, and nervously descend the ladder.
Once the ladder is in place, it’s a very quick job. So why the procrastination?
I hate climbing down ladders.
Almost 11 years ago, I broke both of my feet when I missed the final step of our staircase, and I fell onto the tile floor. My bones fused back together a long time ago and I rarely think about the accident; however, today I wistfully acknowledge that I no longer effortlessly descend a staircase. I don’t trust my feet to stick their landing unless I’m paying very close attention.
So, it makes sense why I avoid these tasks, doesn’t it?
It’s a hassle, it’s scary, and it’s hard to get a good visual on foot placement.
It feels easier and safer to live in the dark than to change the light bulbs.
A few weeks ago, a client introduced me to a new concept when talking about her concerns about a family member: destiny diverter.
She described a “destiny diverter” as someone who pulls us away from our purpose and goals and distracts us with more tempting, alluring pursuits.
Sometimes destiny diverters are benign and well-meaning, like the chatty coworker whose weekend tale turns a quick water break into a 20-minute conversation. Other times they are more intentional and perhaps are motivated by their own struggles, like the partner who undermines our fitness goals because they are envious and our progress feels threatening in some way.
Yesterday afternoon, I sat at my breakfast room table and looked at the kitchen.
There are five floodlights in the ceiling and four of them had burned out over the last two months. I had adjusted to the dimness and developed workaround solutions when better lighting was required, like carrying milk cartons into the living room when I needed to check the expiration date or cleaning the entire countertop since the black granite made it difficult to see the edges of spills.
No big deal, right?
As I sat, looking at the dark kitchen, a thought emerged.
Destiny diverter.
As I reflected on my client’s words, it occurred to me that destiny diverters aren’t limited to people.
My destiny diverters often are activities like procrastination, mindlessly scrolling through social media or internet rabbit holes, binge watching TV shows, or overextending my schedule.
At other times, the destiny diverter is an undesirable thought process, like reliving difficult events or crafting better responses than the ones that I improvised in the moment.
I’m also quite skilled at destiny diverters like using my imagination to envision future events with scary worst-case scenarios or empowering my inner critic to fuel self-doubt, fear, and emotional pain.
A common thread that all my destiny diverters share? Pulling me away from the gentle guidance of my inner compass and pushing me toward a path that requires less vulnerability and risk.
Sound familiar?
Yes, my avoidance of climbing the ladder to change the light bulbs was a destiny diverter.
It wasn’t an issue of laziness-induced procrastination. It may have begun that way with the first light bulb, but by the fourth, it was something else.
It was avoidance and reflected a bigger issue that warranted my attention.
My worst-case-scenario thinking had become incongruent with the person I wanted to be—someone who makes space for difficult feelings and then moves forward with courage and self-compassion. Instead, I was stuck in fear and choosing self-limiting action.
So, what did I do?
I went to the garage,
carried the ladder into the kitchen, and
set it underneath the first floodlight.
One final deep breath.
New lightbulb in hand, I climbed the ladder,
changed the first floodlight,
and cautiously descended.
It wasn’t hard to change the next four.
The first one was the destiny diverter.
The others were simply distractions.
As I bring this blog to a close, I am looking at my well-illuminated kitchen and smiling with a sense of accomplishment that only occurs when we defeat our destiny diverters.
Tomorrow my self-compassion and I are going to tackle the smoke alarms. Wish us well.
Living with Purpose
Back to you, Tossing Away My Potential.
I wrote those words three years ago. I’d like to tell you that now all the lightbulbs, smoke detector batteries, and air conditioning filters get changed without a moment of destiny diversion.
But that would not be true.
Not long after that essay was posted, the lifespan of our upstairs AC unit ended and was replaced with a new, shiny system. The AC filter was in the attic upstairs and needed to be replaced every six months when the technician came to service it.
That setup worked great for two and a half years until this summer when I learned that the company phased out home unit repair and maintenance. The task was now my responsibility, which involved climbing up into the attic (easy) and descending the shaky, pull-down stairs (hard).
Yep, I avoided the task until I read about the downstream consequences of not changing the AC filters that were avoidable and potentially expensive.
I debated assigning that task to one of my now-sixteen-year-old children as a household responsibility.
Then I realized delegating it wasn’t truly about encouraging responsibility.
It was another destiny diverter.
It was my avoidance of discomfort.
I gave myself a deadline. And let it pass.
Gave myself another deadline. That one passed too.
Then one Sunday night I inhaled and exhaled a deep sigh.
Climbed the ladder,
Changed the filter.
Not hard at all.
Then came the hard part:
Descending the ladder.
I paused at the top of the shaky, pull-down stairs.
I made space for the fear of climbing down and how it was showing up in my body.
And walked down, one step at a time.
Let me say it again.
Resilience is making space for our feelings and then moving forward.
Just as I did after changing the lightbulbs, I appreciate what happens when I choose resilience instead of avoidance. It feels good—empowering, even. A simple choice is reminding me of who I want to be.
Tossing Away My Potential, what are the lightbulbs and AC filters in your beautiful life? What small choices have become destiny diverters?
What is it you really want from your life? What does living with purpose look like for you, fellow traveler?
Perhaps that dream of law school isn’t fading for a reason. Perhaps not. That’s your call to make after some soul-searching.
The beautiful thing about recognizing our destiny diverters is that once we notice and identify them, they lose much of their power to steer us off course. Instead, they free up time, attention, and energy for what matters most—and for building the life we hope to live with purpose.
What do I know for sure? Life feels better when our daily decisions align with the life we hope to live.
It’s never too late to recognize our diverters, choose resilience, and get back on track.
It’s never too late to begin—or get back to—living with purpose.
Ubuntu, fellow traveler.
Jennifer
Continue the Journey
If today’s reflection resonated with you, you may also enjoy:
- Treat the Water: What Three Carnival Goldfish Taught Me About Personal Growth
- A Reflection for the Moments We Are Paused by the Storm
- Load the Bamboo
This reflection was first published on our Substack page and modified for this reflection.
© 2026 Jennifer Ayres, PhD | Still River Counseling, PLLC
Written with care for fellow travelers navigating life’s changing currents.
🌐 StillRiverCounseling.com | 📍 Austin, TX
Gentle Reminder:
The reflections shared here are intended to offer insight and support. They are not a substitute for therapy or professional mental-health care, and reading this blog does not create a therapeutic or doctor–patient relationship.
