Even after life gets better, beginning again after hard times can trigger anxiety, self-doubt, and emotional exhaustion. A psychologist explores resilience fatigue, grief, and how to move forward when you feel weary and worn down.
Dear Jennifer,
In a two-year stretch, my wife left me after her miscarriage, I got fired from my job, and I moved back in with my parents until I financially got back on my feet at the age of 40. I got very depressed, drank way too much, and gained 50 pounds. It took a while, but I found a better job, lost the weight, regained financial stability, and recently moved with my fiancée into a new place. Life felt good until recently when I quit my job, with my fiancée’s support, to start graduate school.
I feel anxiety and depression creeping back in. After all I’ve been through, why is that happening now when everything is so much better than it was when I was going through the worst time of my life? I just want to throw my hands in the air and give up.
These issues I’ve got are nothing compared to what I had to handle before, and they feel more overwhelming somehow. I have a great life. Why can’t I be grateful and excited about it? Is it an attitude problem, or have I gotten lazy?
Help.
Weary & Worn Down
Dear Weary & Worn Down,
I hear you, fellow traveler.
What you described was a series of significant losses, and the synergistic effect of managing all of them simultaneously sounds devastating and overwhelming.
Your letter reminded me of a blog I wrote a few years ago based on what happens after the hard times have been survived. Superhero movies typically end at that point, and it makes sense that we develop an unrealistic expectation that life should be free of future hard times.
We recognize, of course, that such a path is unrealistic. Life is about surviving challenging times and grieving what we have lost. Often the next challenging season feels overwhelming because our tolerance hasn’t been fully restored.
Years ago, I attended a training and the facilitator introduced the story of the Chinese farmer who traded a chicken for bamboo seeds. As the original story went, the farmer watered the seeds for several years and was ridiculed by fellow villagers because the seeds never yielded a crop — until one morning when he awoke to a bamboo forest.
It’s a story of faith and perseverance. It’s about doing what is within your control and honoring the emotions that arise for what is beyond it.
I found myself curious about what happened to the farmer after he got what he wanted. How did he handle life’s difficult moments when his soul was weary from surviving the ones he had already survived? Did he jump up ready to take on the next challenge because he had new resilience muscles? Or did he struggle with resentment that he was being called upon to be resilient once again when he was emotionally exhausted?
Read on, fellow traveler.
Load the Bamboo
A story about beginning again after hard times
Once upon a time, there was a bamboo farmer who had worked very hard to prepare his crops to sell at a fair in the neighboring town. The farmer had cared for his bamboo with great devotion and attention. As a result of his care, his bamboo was beautiful — tall, elegant stalks that were as green as a field of grass after a rainstorm.
The day came for the farmer to load his bamboo onto his wagon and take it to the fair. He attached his old mule, Mirabella, to the wagon and looked at the bamboo stacked neatly beside it.
He thought about last year when he attempted to sell his bamboo at the fair. The other farmers had laughed at him, and nobody purchased a single bamboo stalk. He had returned home from the fair with a wagonful of beautiful bamboo and a broken heart.
He felt the sadness settle into his heart and move throughout his body as his brain replayed painful memories. He sat on the ground and sighed.
“Maybe this isn’t a good idea,” he thought to himself. “It didn’t go well last year, and the same thing could happen this time. I don’t want to live through that again. They could refuse to buy my bamboo. My wagon could break while we’re going to the fair, and then I’d be stranded.”
His thoughts started to speed up.
“It could start to rain, and everything would get soaked and ruined! Then I won’t make enough money to feed my family this year because I used all my savings to feed us last year. Oh, and what about Mirabella? She’s getting older. Maybe she won’t be able to make the trip. Maybe she’ll go blind as we’re traveling and then she won’t be able to get us there.”
The farmer sighed again.
“I should stay home.”
As the farmer sat on the ground, stuck somewhere between living his past hurts and worrying about future struggles, time was passing. Time moves forward despite our hurt feelings or worries, and it never slows down to give our hearts and minds a chance to catch up.
Luckily, inside all of us lives an inner voice that helps us not lose sight of what truly matters when we get distracted by our inner critics and life’s daily noise.
“Take a deep breath,” the farmer’s inner voice whispered.
The farmer missed it because his hurt feelings and worries were too loud.
The inner voice waited for a pause in the farmer’s thoughts and tried again, this time with a slightly louder whisper.
“Take a deep breath.”
The farmer heard it this time. He nodded and closed his eyes. He took a deep breath.
“If you stay stuck in your past hurts and future worries, you will miss your chance right now. And that is the only chance that is guaranteed.”
The farmer nodded.
“You will miss it if you stay here.”
The farmer nodded again.
“Don’t worry about the mule going blind. Load the bamboo.”
The farmer brushed off his pants and loaded his beautiful bamboo into the wagon.
After the bamboo was loaded, the farmer gave Mirabella a pat and said,
“Don’t worry, old friend. If you go blind, I’ll lead us.”
Mirabella snorted at him, and off they went.
The farmer and Mirabella made their journey to the fair every year. Some years they sold a lot of bamboo. Other years they sold very little.
Mirabella never went blind.
Back to you, Weary & Worn Down.
We want to believe that the farmer lived happily ever after and never struggled again. However, he still had to harvest his crops and figure out the next steps. Repeatedly.
Most likely, he found himself sitting on the ground many times, unsure if he had the inner reserves to begin another hero’s journey when he still felt bruised from surviving the previous one.
Your story is like the farmer’s, dear one.
You found your way through very hard times and overwhelming grief as your losses stacked atop each other. Your body, heart, and spirit found a way to move forward despite the heavy burden you carried.
And yes, life feels so much better now, and there is hope in your words and plans — fiancée, new place to live, graduate school.
Hope feels so good after the heavy darkness of grief and despair.
It is easy to forget that graduate school and starting a new chapter of your beautiful life means that you are embarking on a new hero’s journey, dear one.
And the hero’s journey is rarely fun.
It is filled with obstacles, failures, and challenges that call upon us to change in ways we did not choose. It is also filled with dark feelings like self-doubt, anger, shame, resentment, and disappointment.
It isn’t surprising that many of us find ourselves sitting on the ground and allowing our fears and doubts to take over at some point in the journey.
It is scary stuff that you are talking about, Weary & Worn Down. And it’s tough to gear up for scary when our minds, bodies, and hearts remember how we felt during the frightening parts of previous journeys.
It isn’t an attitude problem or laziness, dear one.
It’s wisdom.
It’s life experience.
It’s awareness of the inner resources life sometimes requires from us.
It’s the recognition that our time, attention and energy are finite resources.
My recommendation?
Pause.
Sit on the ground and feel it supporting your body.
Close your eyes and remember your previous hero’s journeys and the road you traveled from beginning to end.
Consider how this journey differs from what happened before.
Right now, your mind is struggling to see that this journey is different…because you are.
And guess what?
You already know how to travel difficult roads and summon the inner resources needed to move forward.
When you’re ready, Weary & Worn Down, stand up and exhale the breath you have been holding.
Listen to the whispers of your future calling you forward.
Then load the bamboo.
Ubuntu, fellow traveler.
Jennifer
P.S. See below for a Rest.Reflect.Reimagine exercise if you wish to further explore the content from this blog.
For the bamboo farmer who lives inside all of us and for the Mirabellas of our lives.
If this story resonated with you, you may find comfort in previous reflections about self-doubt, resilience, hope, and learning how to keep moving forward after difficult seasons.
How to Find Courage When Your Life Falls Apart
The Legend of Ernesto and the Fire Horse
“Don’t worry about the mule going blind…load the wagon” was a saying displayed in my childhood home. Versions of this wisdom appear in multiple forms and cultures, though I have never been able to identify the original author. Gratitude as well to the unknown storyteller behind the bamboo farmer fable that inspired this reflection.
An earlier version of this story first appeared in the Rawson Saunders School newsletter under the title “Mule Going Blind.” This version has been thoughtfully revised and expanded for Still River Counseling as “Load the Bamboo.”
Rest. Reflect. Reimagine.
A self-compassion practice for beginning again after hard times and for those moments when you feel weary, worn down or afraid to begin again.
Rest.
Pause for a moment.
Feel the surface beneath you supporting your body.
Notice your breath without trying to change it.
Allow yourself to release the pressure of figuring out your future and the perfect plan.
You only need to attend to this moment.
Notice any emotions or tension arising in your body.
If it feels comforting, place a hand over your heart and gently ask yourself:
What burdens am I still carrying from past hurts or difficult times?
Notice whatever arises without judgment.
No hurry.
No right or wrong way.
Just noticing.
And allowing space for curiosity and self-compassion.
Reflect
Sometimes beginning again after hard times feels overwhelming not because we are weak or lacking motivation or self-discipline, but because we remember how difficult previous journeys were and how much they required of our inner resources.
Consider the following questions with gentleness, self-compassion and curiosity:
- What previous difficult experiences have I already survived?
- What helped me endure those seasons?
- How did those journeys change me?
- Are there fears or negative predictions that automatically appear when I begin something new?
- What “mule going blind” worries keep me stuck on the ground?
- What strengths, wisdom, or life experience do I carry now that I did not have before?
- What signs of hope are already present in my life?
- Are there sidekicks or mentors who could remind me that I am not traveling alone?
This journey may be different because you are different.
Reimagine
Imagine yourself sitting on the ground, next to your wagon.
The outcome is uncertain.
Your fears and self-doubt are real.
The risks feel daunting.
Your exhaustion is understandable.
And yet…
You hear a quiet inner voice inviting you forward…toward the future that quietly is waiting for you.
The voice does not demand a perfect plan.
Nor certainty.
It allows space for shaky hands and self-doubt.
It only asks for the courage to take the next small step.
What could “load the bamboo” look like for you?
Maybe it means:
- Grabbing your keys and going to the gym because you promised yourself you wanted to care for your body
- Going to speak to a professor or a supervisor instead of continuing to struggle with confusion and frustration
- Applying for the job even if you are sure that others might be better qualified
- Choosing to stay home and recover energy instead of pushing yourself beyond your limits
- Starting the conversation you have been avoiding because the consequences are scary
- Considering someone’s feedback and choosing a growth mindset instead of rejection
- Picking yourself up, dusting yourself off, and doing the next thing that aligns with your goals
- Having realistic expectations for your time, attention, and energy
- Saying no instead of defaulting to yes
The entire journey’s path does not have to be clear right now.
Just load the next piece of bamboo.
Then tell Mirabella it’s time to move.
And remind her — and yourself — that if she goes blind, you will lead both of you home.
© 2026 Jennifer Ayres, PhD | Still River Counseling, PLLC
Written with care for fellow travelers navigating life’s changing currents.
🌐 StillRiverCounseling.com | 📍 Austin, TX
