Dear Jennifer,
The political situation is overwhelming me. The cruelty, the attacking comments, the lack of compassion…it’s too much when I’m already feeling stretched and anxious. I know that social media isn’t healthy for me, and I can’t keep myself away from it. Do I close my accounts? Any recommendations?
— Social Media Struggler
Dear Struggler,
I hear you. I hear you. I hear you. I am paddling alongside you in my own canoe. It’s hard to remain afloat these days…we’re navigating scary rapids and calm water is not in sight.
You know that quote about how a sailor only becomes skilled when the water is churning? I don’t know about you, Struggler, but today’s churning water is making me mentally seasick. It takes a lot of energy to keep our canoes afloat right now, and if we don’t have a good energy investment strategy, we risk capsizing.
The Energy Pennies Method
Years ago, I worked in a primary care clinic. For several months, a patient and I had been working to address his heightened stress and associated medical issues. We had practiced deep breathing, emotional identification, prioritizing health-promoting behaviors, and self-compassion. He had made a lot of progress, but the worrying remained, and it made his life feel painful more often than he would have preferred.
During one memorable session, he spontaneously ranked his top three stressors in terms of the amount of stress they caused him. Number one: his daughter’s boyfriend, a 25-year-old man with a Peter Pan complex who was unable to sustain a job for longer than three days and had an unhealthy relationship with marijuana. Number two: the rumor mill’s whispers that his 28-year, leadership position was likely to be eliminated in the company’s next round of budget cuts. Number three: his mother’s aging and her related declines.
As I mentally ran through therapy strategies to find a good next step, I became distracted by a small bag of pennies on the table. I had been playing a board game in the last session and had forgotten to put the bag away. An idea appeared.
I opened the bag and poured the contents on the table. 100 shiny, copper pennies fell out. He looked at me curiously. “There are 100 pennies here. Let’s say they represent your life energy. You never have more than 100 pennies and you only have 100 if you are fully charged.” He nodded. “How many pennies do you think are going to worrying about your daughter right now?”
He grabbed a small handful and counted. “35.”
“Any how about worrying about your job?”
“25.” He grabbed the corresponding amount. I asked how many he allotted to worrying about trying to find another similarly salaried position in the current economy. He grabbed another 10. I asked if he was worried about age discrimination, and he grabbed another 5.
We looked at the remaining 25 pennies. “How many go toward worrying about your mom’s declining health?” He grabbed another 10. “How about your health?” He grabbed 5. I picked up 5 and handed them to him. “That’s for daily living tasks. Eating, sleeping, driving, chores, feeding your pets, communicating with your wife about plans, remembering to put gas in your car.”
Five pennies remained on the table. “That’s what you have left to manage your stress.”
He nodded slowly. “That’s not a lot.”
I agreed. “So, what are you going to do about it?”
“You tell me.”
I gestured at the five pennies. “At times when the worry is difficult to control, you either guard them carefully or you engage in activities that bring energy back into your system so that the impact isn’t felt as strongly.” He nodded. “So, what are you going to do about it?”
“I could go to meet with a personal trainer twice a week that would probably inspire me to exercise more often and help me feel better.” He carefully counted 10 pennies and put them back on the table.
“I could schedule more trips to see Mom.” He returned five pennies to the pile. “I could remind myself that I’ve been saving money and that could hold us over until I find another job.” Another five pennies were added to the pile. “I could tell my daughter I love her and will support her however I can, and then start praying every night that God does the rest.” He dropped the rest of his pennies on the pile. He looked at them and smiled. “That looks a lot better, doesn’t it?”
Quick Self‑Assessment: What’s Your Balance?
Your question, dear Struggler, reminded me of this snippet from a therapy session I experienced over a decade ago. Another option, of course, would be to stop worrying and not lose your energy pennies in the first place. Easier said than done, no?
When we think of our lives in terms of energy investment, managing our emotions during destabilizing times becomes more of a strategy consideration.
It begins by taking an assessment. An emotional pulse, if you will. How am I feeling right now?
- Neutral, good, or great: your energy penny pile has enough to cushion unforeseen challenges.
- Stressed, angry, sad, exhausted, or sleep-deprived: you’re likely in an energy penny deficit.
- If you’re near zero, restore before engaging with social media or heated news.
I think of energy like a bank account. To maintain emotional equilibrium and enjoy fulfilling lives, we need to maintain an available balance that feels comfortable to us. Our withdrawals cannot exceed our available balances if our goal is health, well-being, and meaningful relationships.
Back to you, Struggler, and the questions you raised. Should you delete your social media accounts? That question is a complicated one and I’ll tackle your second one first.
How to Manage Social Media Anxiety with Energy Pennies:
- List your top five worries and energy consumers.
- Examine how many energy pennies remain after you pay for your worries, just like my patient did that day. How comfortable do you feel with how many pennies are left? Social media can be a bit of a wild card as we navigate today’s rapids in our canoes. It could either restore pennies or remove them.
- Before logging on to your accounts, make sure that you’ve got enough pennies to cover you either way and, if you don’t have enough, consider finding an energy-restoring activity first.
- Don’t risk the negative balance unless there is no other alternative.
- If, luckily enough, you have a good amount of energy pennies and find yourself tempted to engage in some social media scrolling, ask yourself if this is where you want to invest your time, attention, and energy.
Should You Delete Your Social Media Accounts?
Now, Struggler, ask yourself if you should delete your social media accounts. If a clear answer doesn’t emerge, honor that it might not be time for an all-or-nothing decision. Perhaps it might feel more comfortable to renegotiate your relationship with your usage so that you don’t needlessly lose energy pennies. You alone hold the power to manage your energy pennies. Invest wisely.
Ubuntu, fellow traveler.
— Jennifer
