A brief grocery store conversation about fear and anxiety left me reconsidering what it really means to be fearless—and whether fearlessness is even the goal.
I was standing in the checkout line at our local grocery store. The boys have a day off from school tomorrow—I do not—and we were stocking up on what they consider to be staple items for a vacation day.
A few bowls of instant ramen.
A case of bottled water to restock the bedroom refrigerator that Giovanni purchased with his summer employment earnings.
A couple bags of spicy chips.
A six-pack of energy drinks.
Teenager fare, isn’t it? My contribution to the basket was a package of ground turkey for tomorrow night’s dinner.
I was reflecting on the differences between what their staple items were and what I would consider important when the checker stopped me.
Trey and I aren’t friends, but we circle in each other’s orbit often enough that we chitchat when we’re in the same space. Feeding teenage boys means that I am a frequent shopper at the store, and I know many of the employees by name. Most of them are well-acquainted with Angel and Giovanni, who have been going to the store on their own for several years.
“What does your necklace say?”
I looked down. “Fearlessness.” The charm had been a Christmas gift from my brother and his family a few years ago, and I have worn it every day since.
Trey grinned at me. “Are you fearless?”
I thought about my answer before responding.
“Sometimes. Are you?”
His grin expanded. “Same.” He continued, “And sometimes I’m anxious.”
I smiled. “Me too. That isn’t a bad thing, is it?”
“You’re right about that.”
“I guess the hard part is keeping it in check so that we never get too fearless or too anxious.”
He nodded in agreement.
I thought about this exchange as I drove home.
It has been a typical weekend around our house. Nothing uniquely noteworthy or special.
And anxiety was a dirty penny that kept showing up.
Conversations about the onslaught of make-up work Giovanni is facing after missing multiple days of school over the last two weeks because of first one illness and then another.
An upcoming English test on Tuesday for Angel.
Some self-doubt and negative self-talk when I worried about the future of a project that I really like and have given a lot of time, attention, and energy.
My uncertainty about how exactly I’m going to catch up on documentation, return to the grocery store for a proper restock, get my 12K steps in, and give Einstein a bath before bedtime.
Trey, after some consideration, let me add a little more to our conversation.
Anxiety is part of being human. It shows up when something matters to us and we aren’t sure what comes next. Nobody enjoys it.
You struggle with it. So do I. So do most people. And, honestly, I’m not sure what to make of the people who claim they never do.
When hard things happen, we worry about the future. Of course we do.
People we love die.
Our kids grow up and make their own decisions, sometimes putting themselves in harm’s way and thinking we are overreacting. They may eventually learn that their parents were cautious for a reason. I did. I’ll bet you did too, Trey.
People we love get cancer. They get injured. They experience difficult things that we cannot fix despite our best efforts and wishes to the contrary.
Our schedules get overbooked and create mild timing emergencies that quite likely won’t be possible to address. We’ll see what happens, but I strongly predict that Einstein’s bath will not happen tonight.
Fearlessness makes a great necklace charm but a highly unrealistic expectation, doesn’t it?
Maybe fearlessness looks less like the absence of fear and more like the presence of other things.
Making space for our anxiety and worries.
Choosing to take a deep breath and pause before making a fear-based decision.
Holding our fears with self-compassionate hands that push back on our own hurtful words.
Stepping into the arena, as Theodore Roosevelt so eloquently encouraged us to do more than a century ago, even when our knees are shaky and our hearts are racing.
Deleting the “this would be nice but isn’t necessary” items from the to-do list instead of compromising sleep and emotional equilibrium. Sorry, Einstein.
Because the truth is, there is plenty to worry about.
The planet is changing and not in a good way.
Political decisions have real-life consequences.
Income doesn’t stretch as far when everything costs more.
Our kids grow up and shift from those early childhood years when most problems were within our capacity to fix.
What we want out of life changes, and we need to summon courage to move forward.
The list goes on and on, doesn’t it?
I’ve changed my answer a bit since leaving the store, Trey.
Am I fearless?
Sometimes, but not often.
And I’m not sure that I want to be.
Fear is welcome to visit my home anytime. I’ll listen to what it has to say because sometimes it brings up good points I hadn’t considered.
But I’m not giving it a key.
Ubuntu, fellow travelers.
Jennifer
Rest. Reflect. Reimagine.
A guided practice for exploring fear, anxiety, and what it means to be fearless
Rest.
Take a moment to allow the story to settle.
Notice what arises in you when you consider how fear and anxiety may be showing up in your life right now.
Give yourself permission to simply rest and notice.
No pressure to find the perfect solution.
No pressure to shift your thinking or understand your fear and anxiety differently.
Just rest.
Reflect.
- If fear and anxiety were visiting your home, what might they be trying to tell you?
- Do they have something worth hearing—something that might guide your decisions in a helpful way?
- Are there parts of your fear and anxiety that you can acknowledge and then leave at the door?
- What does fearlessness look like to you? The absence of fear and anxiety? Or the presence of something else?
Reimagine.
What would it look like to make room for fear and anxiety, listen to what they have to say, and still keep the key?
Check Out Previous Reflections
If this reflection resonated with you, you may also enjoy exploring other posts from Still River Reflections, where I write about resilience, self-compassion, mindfulness, life transitions, and finding our way through life’s changing currents.
He Needed Someone to Be Nice to Him
How Self-Doubt and Self-Compassion Build Courage
© 2026 Jennifer Ayres, PhD | Still River Counseling, PLLC
Written with care for fellow travelers navigating life’s changing currents.
🌐 StillRiverCounseling.com | 📍 Austin, TX
Gentle Reminder:
The reflections shared here are intended to offer insight and support. They are not a substitute for therapy or professional mental-health care, and reading this blog does not create a therapeutic or doctor–patient relationship.
